Hello, my name is sarramkrop, a victim of child abuse and the fruit of violence in the family. I never said a word and kept my head up till now, Went to differnet counsellors, tried everything that would hide it from the rest of the world, but obviouslty noone gives much of a shit, perhaps because my being strong about it got totally confused with not caring about myself first, then others. Wrong. always got the impression that I was around people I could trust talk to about it, obviously not, nobody knows about how to deal with this sort ofthing. I am, or so it seems, not allowed to be human, but others are. I only like to isolate myself more and more and more. Do not judge me, please.

[!@#$%!]

hello porky.

[!@#$%!]

i don't know how to "share", sorry, in here, but ok.

[phoenix]

you should write it all on a piece of paper and let it go.

[!@#$%!]

Originally Posted by phoenix

you should write it all on a piece of paper and let it go.

i disagree.

---

i'm listening.

there are risks with doing this on the public interwebs but ok.

[!@#$%!]

Originally Posted by sarramkrop

nobody knows about how to deal with this sort ofthing.

i understand you feel that way but actually that's not true. you maybe haven't found them yet, that's all, or maybe you found them but didn't let them, or maybe they failed you, but that doesn't have to always be the outcome. my point is i hope you keep trying.

[pantophobia]

while the internet is a dicey place to have one let everything out, you have plenty of friends here and outweigh the people that aren't, and we support you

[!@#$%!]

Originally Posted by pantophobia

while the internet is a dicey place to have one let everything out, you have plenty of friends here and outweigh the people that aren't, and we support you

what he means is, if someone comes here trying to be a prick to you, we'll fuck them up good.

[Pookie]

Originally Posted by pantophobia

...the internet is a dicey place to have one let everything out...

I think in this context it's a relatively safe place to let everything out. Anonymity and the ability to edit or delete is very handy.

And from my experience of him here and my one face-to-face meeting with porky, he's definitely one of the better people.

[pantophobia]

Originally Posted by !@#$%!

what he means is, if someone comes here trying to be a prick to you, we'll fuck them up good.

ah, the duke nukeem method

[girlgun]

i seriously find it highly unlikely that no one gives a shit. i am sure it just feels like that sometimes (like now, i'm sure, after what you've been through lately). i'm not sure any of us ever really get over anything. i think we just sometimes learn to live with it and deal with it the best way we can. sometimes those ways aren't especially healthy and that's where changes sometimes need to be made. i suppose we have to make a conscious effort to deal/vent/live in the most healthy way despite that stuff. i am sorry you have that carry around though. i really am. how old are you? (i am new here)

Nobody I am around knows how to deal with this. I am feeling so exasperated with people in general. I try to sleep it over, but it doesn't happen because I can hardly sleep or eat properly. My general supply of energy has run ever so dry. I hate feeling like this and put my feelings on some messageboard but I am ever so surrounded by people I don't trust anymore and I simply don't know where to turn to. It's not like I didn't try or anything, it's just that I have reached my limit and I want to just get it off my chest very publicly. It might not do any good, I undersatnd, but I NEED TO LET IT OUT, I do.

I am ever so sorry to bore you with this, it's just the feeling of complete exasperation that got a grip of me.

[girlgun]

Originally Posted by sarramkrop

Nobody I am around knows how to deal with this. I am feeling so exasperated with people in general. I try to sleep it over, but it doesn't happen because I can hardly sleep or eat properly. My general supply of energy has run ever so dry. I hate feeling like this and put my feelings on some messageboard but I am ever so surrounded by people I don't trust anymore and I simply don't know where to turn to. It's not like I didn't try or anything, it's just that I have reached my limit and I want to just get it off my chest very publicly. It might not do any good, I undersatnd, but I NEED TO LET IT OUT, I do.

in my opinion... if that's what it feels like you should be doing, you're probably right. you just gotta do what you can to get by sometimes.. ya know?

i'm sorry... i'm kind of insignificant around here and you don't know me at all, but your posts break my heart. feel compelled to reply.

[Savage Clone]

For what it's worth, I think you're one of the good ones.

[floatingslowly]

this unit most humbly apologizes for recent postings made in the name of self entertainment.

[end: program]


sweet baby jesus in the sky I have a talent for being a laser-guided-douche-bag.

Originally Posted by sarramkrop

obviouslty noone gives much of a shit

although I cannot speak for the real people around you, there are a host of unreal people here that do truly care (even if we act like douche-bags from time to time).

take care of yourself, but fuck all to anybody who doesn't care.

[!@#$%!]

Originally Posted by sarramkrop

Nobody I am around knows how to deal with this. I am feeling so exasperated with people in general. I try to sleep it over, but it doesn't happen because I can hardly sleep or eat properly. My general supply of energy has run ever so dry. I hate feeling like this and put my feelings on some messageboard but I am ever so surrounded by people I don't trust anymore and I simply don't know where to turn to. It's not like I didn't try or anything, it's just that I have reached my limit and I want to just get it off my chest very publicly. It might not do any good, I undersatnd, but I NEED TO LET IT OUT, I do.

well that's where i think you're wrong. the letting it out is the point. the feeling it is the point. unless you feel it, you won't get better. suppressing/repressing/bottling up only drives it underground where it does most damage, lurking in the dark, causing depression, anxiety, and a host of other psychosomatic symptoms.

just fucking let it out!

we're listening.

of course, some of us are going to give you asinine advice, but at least people care, huh?

so, dish it out.

[phoenix]

Originally Posted by !@#$%!

of course, some of us are going to give you asinine advice,

when I said what I did, I was being serious. It can be a really helpful way to vent and symbolicly rid yrself of burden.

[!@#$%!]

Originally Posted by phoenix

when I said what I did, I was being serious. It can be a really helpful way to vent and symbolicly rid yrself of burden.

chill, woman.

i wasnt talking about you. there are 20 people posting here already and it's gonna be hit or miss, but my point is, for porky, that regardless, he's got people paying attention to what he'll say.

---

anyway, let's end this short digression & let porky talk?

I've honestly tried anything in the world that would protect me. I can't help but feeling powerless sometimes. I know someone who somehow might even seem like he's had it worse than myself and who I can talk to in a different way than anyone else. It's just really, fucking hard. Really fucking hard. I don't want to die of a heartbreak.