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Old 07.17.2007, 04:28 PM   #1
MellySingsDoom
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How many times have you listened to an heard about a musical collaboration that made you want to eat your own leg? For me, these are legion, but for starters, here's these:

Lou Reed and Sam Moore "Soul Man" - A legend of music gets some grizzly old geezer to grumble his way through an old soul classic, all to aid a "comedy" of such monstrous racistosity. Truly bleeurgh.

Elton John and Pete Doherty "20th Century Boy" (Live) - The Master of music inroduces a 'fresh young talent' onstage, and Mister Doherty staggers and slurs his way through the old T Rex great. He should be thrown in prison just for this.

Paul Weller and Noel Gallagher live on "The White Room" TV show - I forget which tune they played, but Noel's inoffensive strumming was given a good buggering by the sweaty and grunting Weller on keyboards and 'vocals', doing a great impression of Albert Steptoe. Put me right of me dinner.

Various Artists "Perfect Day" - the BBC get together a cornocopia of musical talents to murder the Lou Reed song. Heather Small? Fuck off!

Lily Allen and Mark Ronson "Oh My God" - Yep, it's Ms daughter-of-pseudo-Cockney-geezer covering the Kaiser Chiefs tune with a irritating teenage voice. The backing (c/o Ronson) is even worse, horrible pop-ska with some truly ball-shrinking moments.

Paul McCartney and Stevie Wonder "Ebony And Ivory" - with some pretty heavy credentials, you'd think that these two could come up with something at least halfway bearable? No. What we have a an MOR slopfest so caked in fake sincerity, that I bet their pleas for vacuous racial harmony through the power of song had many a sane person tempted to join the National Front out of sheer spite/suicidal despair.

Right, that's me lot for now. What about you?
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Old 07.17.2007, 04:31 PM   #2
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Anything that is by "xxxxx featuring (insert name of "R&B" artist here)" - translates as "I'm desperate - please buy this or my label will drop me".
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Old 07.17.2007, 04:34 PM   #3
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Paul McCartney and Michael Jackson can just fuck off with that stupid vile shit.
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Old 07.17.2007, 04:36 PM   #4
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almost all collaborations fucking .. don't do anything for me.

sorry, neurosis and jarboe! sorry, boris and sunn! sorry, lustmord and melvins! you all stink!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

..
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Old 07.17.2007, 04:37 PM   #5
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Scissor Shock and Pussycat Dolls: A desperate attempt by one to gain kudos from the other.
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Old 07.17.2007, 04:38 PM   #6
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Ah, here's another - Wyclef Jean and Brian Harvey "Ole Ole". Ghastly. In fact, can I add Wyclef Jean collaborating with anyone, ever?

And here's another - Madonna and Gogol Bordello - way to destroy any credibility you had, Eugene "son of Lionel" Hutz.
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Old 07.17.2007, 04:41 PM   #7
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No mention of Bowie and Jagger's "Dancing In The Street" yet?
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Old 07.17.2007, 04:43 PM   #8
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^^^Yes, one of the cornerstones of any horrible collab discussion - remember the video? Hideous stuff. It would have been more preferable to see Bowie shove his cock into Jagger's mouth - at least it would've stopped Mick's 'singing'.
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Old 07.17.2007, 04:47 PM   #9
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Sean "Puffy" Combs/Sting Performing "I'll Be Missing You" at the VMAs. Sting should have just sued the guy instead.
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Old 07.17.2007, 04:48 PM   #10
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Hip Priest
Paul McCartney and Michael Jackson can just fuck off with that stupid vile shit.

In Jacko's case, it should've been "The Boy Is Mine", with the video featuring Uncle Michael giving some 10 year old brat the benefit of his attentions and wandering begloved hands., whilst Macca tickles the ivories in the background giving the occasional thumbs-up signal to camera.
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Old 07.17.2007, 04:51 PM   #11
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U2 and BB King "When Love Comes To Town" - embarrasing sub-My Old Man's A Dustman tune with Bono and Co emoting with such earnestness, that they zoom right off the camp scale into unknown territories.
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Old 07.17.2007, 05:05 PM   #12
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haha scissor shock
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Old 07.17.2007, 05:27 PM   #13
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Jesus & Mary Chain with The Sugarcubes
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Old 07.17.2007, 06:23 PM   #14
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Quote:
Originally Posted by atsonicpark
almost all collaborations fucking .. don't do anything for me.

sorry, neurosis and jarboe! sorry, boris and sunn! sorry, lustmord and melvins! you all stink!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

..

I like Pigs Of The Roman Empire through i hate that Lustmord (i forgot his real name, and it's not worthing the search) guy..
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Old 07.18.2007, 06:10 AM   #15
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Gladys Knight/ Elton John/ Dionne Warwick/ Stivie Wonder - That's What Friends Are For

Tina Turner/ Bryan Adams - It's Only Love

The Jesus And Mary Chain/ Hope Sandoval - Sometimes Always

U2/Green Day - The Fucking Saints Are Fucking Coming

Ozzy Osbourne/ Kelly Osbourne - Changes
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Old 07.18.2007, 07:26 AM   #16
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farmhouse kicks all y'all's assesfarmhouse kicks all y'all's assesfarmhouse kicks all y'all's assesfarmhouse kicks all y'all's assesfarmhouse kicks all y'all's assesfarmhouse kicks all y'all's assesfarmhouse kicks all y'all's assesfarmhouse kicks all y'all's assesfarmhouse kicks all y'all's assesfarmhouse kicks all y'all's assesfarmhouse kicks all y'all's asses
an exception?:

gene pitney and marc almond do something's gotta hold of my heart.

that's a fucking classic.
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Old 07.18.2007, 07:27 AM   #17
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oh oh . . . what about the travelling wilburys? do they count?

what a shambles.
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Old 07.18.2007, 07:54 AM   #18
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demonrail666 kicks all y'all's assesdemonrail666 kicks all y'all's assesdemonrail666 kicks all y'all's assesdemonrail666 kicks all y'all's assesdemonrail666 kicks all y'all's assesdemonrail666 kicks all y'all's assesdemonrail666 kicks all y'all's assesdemonrail666 kicks all y'all's assesdemonrail666 kicks all y'all's assesdemonrail666 kicks all y'all's assesdemonrail666 kicks all y'all's asses
Dizzee Rascal and Lily Allen. You just know there was lots of record company strategising going on there.
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Old 07.18.2007, 08:16 AM   #19
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Some more exceptions:

Nick Cave and Kylie - Where The Wild Roses Grow
Nick Cave and Blixa - The Weeping Song
Nick Cave and Shane - What a Wonderful World

Anything with Nick Cave involved, basically...
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Old 07.18.2007, 08:26 AM   #20
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.....if you discount his contribution to Current 93's 'All The Pretty Little Horses'.
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