[batreleaser]

holidays always have the same effect on me, they make me wanna relapse buy drinking a fifth, shooting a ton of junk, and fuck strippers. i suppose this could be for a variety of reasons. perhaps its having to listen to my ignorant racist grandpas sickening philosophies. maybe my hangups of my little sistor becoming a grown up and knowing that she has started her adult sexual life and rubs it in my face whenever possiblee. but mostly, i know its the deteriorating mental health of my beloved mother, growing up, there was really a no better mommy i could imagine, but in the last 5 years, she has become depressed, vindictive, paranoid, ans highly cruel. i first attributed this to my rampant drug addiction; for many times i would come home drunk with my band buddies go into my basement bedroom smoke pot and shoot up and what not. but i have been clean for over a year now, and my mother has yet to change. it saddens me like i am unable to express, to see this person i dont even recognize to be inhabiting the wonderful woman who hath given birth to and raised me. all i know is that im glad for my dad who has the strength to stay with my mom, my brother, my records, and out instruments, which we played the whole break. oh yah, i also broke my collar bone while playing football with some highschool buddies. anyways, i didnt relapse because i see the weakness in that choice, but in conclusion; FUCK HOLIDAYS!