[SONIC GAIL]

ok this is "Kratom"
http://http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kratom


i have not tried it yet but when I do I will give you the scoop.

[noisereductions]

are you ok? What's up?

[SONIC GAIL]

@Hevusa

This is the exact same one I got

 

I have not smoked pot in 4 days. We got this shit and after one hit I went from a bitch to a woman pushing a 6'-5" 235 lb man around the dollar store and giggling about welcome mats. It calmed me down, but unlike pot I was not tired or groggy, I was actually kind of euphoric. I have been researching and it looks like there are many different kinds of this around. Most have a synthetic thc compound in them mixed with other herbs. In any case I did not want to kill people anymore after smoking it and I was a much more pleasant person to be around.

My sister tried this Red Dragon shit and hid behind a box and scratched her face up. It did nothing to Ryan. I think it depends on your body and how you process things.

[ink.]

what for?

[!@#$%!]

Originally Posted by SONIC GAIL

i have not tried it yet but when I do

why??

[SONIC GAIL]

Originally Posted by noisereductions

are you ok? What's up?

Am I ever OK??? Ill pm you.

[SONIC GAIL]

@ink & symbols to keep me away from illegal pills. I have been good for a month now, but temptation lurks and follows me everywhere.

I know I am an idiot. or a hampster stuck in a wheel trying to run away from something.

[!@#$%!]

Originally Posted by SONIC GAIL

@ink & symbols to keep me away from illegal pills. I have been good for a month now, but temptation lurks and follows me everywhere.

I know I am an idiot. or a hampster stuck in a wheel trying to run away from something.

no offense gail, but go get serious treatment & stop fucking around with shit recommended by a fucking head-shop clerk for fucks sakes. it's not like you're 18 and single and nobody depends on you.

i understand you have a problem, and i'm not finger-pointing at you for this. it's a disease, you know it, i know it, we all know it. but get it treated! it's like you're trying to cure cancer with leeches. go get treatment, for fucks sakes. quit fucking around.

[SONIC GAIL]

I cannot afford it. I want to soooooo bad, but I cannot just leave everything and go to some fancy rehab across the country for 6 months like on the addiction shows it is just not that simple. I DO NEED HELP! Because everyone depends on me I cannot leave them what would they do?

If I get insurance it takes half of my pay for the month. if I go into out patient treatment it averages $800 to start and then around $500 a month. I cannot go cold turkey cause i always end up giving in or just drinking myself to the point of puking. Thats what i am trying now and i have never drank so much in my life I used to hate alcohal.

I want to be normal SO BAD. I am so jealous of ppl who are naturally happy. I don't know what that means I don't want to be who I am.

You are really sweet for being concerned it made me cry.

[noisereductions]

there's no simple answer I'm sure. But I hope you take care of yrself.

[SONIC GAIL]

Thanks it does mean alot to me that strangers on the internet give a fuck about me. Especially when ppl I actually know don't. I'm not allowed to rep you today guess I repped u too much

[!@#$%!]

Originally Posted by SONIC GAIL

I cannot afford it. I want to soooooo bad, but I cannot just leave everything and go to some fancy rehab across the country for 6 months like on the addiction shows it is just not that simple. I DO NEED HELP! Because everyone depends on me I cannot leave them what would they do?

If I get insurance it takes half of my pay for the month. if I go into out patient treatment it averages $800 to start and then around $500 a month. I cannot go cold turkey cause i always end up giving in or just drinking myself to the point of puking. Thats what i am trying now and i have never drank so much in my life I used to hate alcohal.

I want to be normal SO BAD. I am so jealous of ppl who are naturally happy. I don't know what that means I don't want to be who I am.

You are really sweet for being concerned it made me cry.

gail, nobody is "normal", that's a myth, but i'm sure there are ways for you to find a cure for your illness. if you had a brain tumor or a heart valve problem would you say "oh i can't afford it"? well, maybe.. but this is serious business too.

not sure about treatment facilities proper, much less in your area, but isn't NA free for anyone to join? and maybe they can hook you up with a social worker or help you find treatment alternatives.

the problem has at least two sides (maybe more), one is psychological the other is physical. (other people would say spiritual, etc, but you know i'm not made that way). in any case, i'm no addiction expert but i am lucid enough to see that the way you think about your problem is very very wrong and needs changing. once you change that, i'm sure doors will open.

seriously, stop making excuses and get help wherever you can get it. start right now. one way will lead to another, new opportunities will appear, etc., but one step at a time, you know? i've never been an addict but i've been crazy & broke so i know you can find $10 copays and shit like that if you look hard enough. but go see about NA already.

[gualbert]

Originally Posted by SONIC GAIL

I want to be normal SO BAD.

People who think they are normal dream of being special, and vice versa.

[SONIC GAIL]

its a double edged sword for sure

@symbols really thank you for caring i have to change or i am not going to be alive. really thats the only reason i am writing about it. its kind of self realization of myself and trying to stop running from my problems.

[hevusa]

Originally Posted by SONIC GAIL

@Hevusa

This is the exact same one I got

 

I have not smoked pot in 4 days. We got this shit and after one hit I went from a bitch to a woman pushing a 6'-5" 235 lb man around the dollar store and giggling about welcome mats. It calmed me down, but unlike pot I was not tired or groggy, I was actually kind of euphoric. I have been researching and it looks like there are many different kinds of this around. Most have a synthetic thc compound in them mixed with other herbs. In any case I did not want to kill people anymore after smoking it and I was a much more pleasant person to be around.

My sister tried this Red Dragon shit and hid behind a box and scratched her face up. It did nothing to Ryan. I think it depends on your body and how you process things.

thanks SG.
why are all these people trying to ruin your buzz? haha

I think I will stick to the good ol', nature derived, mary jane.

[ni'k]

Originally Posted by !@#$%!

no offense gail, but go get serious treatment & stop fucking around with shit recommended by a fucking head-shop clerk for fucks sakes. it's not like you're 18 and single and nobody depends on you.

i understand you have a problem, and i'm not finger-pointing at you for this. it's a disease, you know it, i know it, we all know it. but get it treated! it's like you're trying to cure cancer with leeches. go get treatment, for fucks sakes. quit fucking around.

Wow, I can't believe I agree with him but he is actually right. Now you know I'm being serious because how often do I ever agree about anything he says? NEVAR.

And I would add a few points: (sorry for this being so long i've tried to edit it down)

He is right when he says don't worry about being "normal". If you start believing there is: "i'm not normal" "i'm sick" "i have all these problems" it becomes a self fufilling prophecy. There isn't actually anything wrong with YOU, all that has happened is that you have taken too many drugs. The solution is simply to be sober. It really isn't that complicated. All that emotional pain and anguish - you will be very surprised to find that it actually mostly goes away or becomes managable when you stop taking drugs. Not that life is perfect but it is a lot easier. A lot of that pain inside you is still there because you have been trying to blot it out with drugs. It's like those bad memories are still there but drugs makes them look less clear, like some abstract art painting instead of a still life painting. But get off drugs and you'll find you get rid of the whole goddamn painting and its frame will hang out of the garbage bin forgotten about. Things will seem a lot better and more managable. Eventually most of the crap that is causing you to feel bad and take drugs just dissolves away and it doesn't matter anymore.

Those addictions shows aren't reality. And deciding that you are sick and you want someone or something to sort out your problem for you isn't the way to go. You simply have to go SOBER and you yourself have to do it. Nobody can do it for you. I am not saying others can't help, but you can't rely on their help as a crutch to do what needs to be done on your behalf. How many different ways can I or an N.A. cousellor or anybody say "GAIL - GO SOBER."?

Now it will take time and there may be f ups along the road but that really is the only way to do it.

And seriously, STOP fucking about with legal highs. That shit is dangerous, there is often the most unbelievable dodgy crap sold in those places and it can really do some damage. No more of that.

I went to hospital over and over again, until after people telling me over and over and over again "STOP TAKING DRUGS AND DRINKING. GO SOBER" it finally, finally sunk in.

What happens is that say after 3-5 months of sobriety - ok you still feel a bit crap sometimes, but you'll defintely start to notice some changes. Then when you are getting up to 1 year you will DEFINITELY notice some changes and it will be a lot easier.

Statistically, the rate of relapse goes down massively after 2 years sober, and then after 5 years drops to almost zero. This doesn't apply to all drugs but to most I think.

What I recommend doing is writing down all the years of your life since you started taking drugs and how you felt during them and what drugs you were on. Remember the times that were good? Bet you were sober during them.

The human brain is not designed to ingest all those drugs. You've taken so many that your dopamineric circuits have been "rewired" so that your brain sends you signals to go take them so it can release the chemical dopamine, which is the pleasure chemical. Now the longer you stay sober the more that your brain returns to normal.

It is ALL in your brain, nobody can find any kind of peace when they are relying on putting these drugs into the machinery in their head that doesn't require them. Your brain has to fight to cope with all the chemicals and it gets exhausted and doesn't function smoothly. Simply giving it long periods of sobriety and some good food is enough to heal it.

[gualbert]

Drugs are good, unless you take too much.

Or you can try the widely accepted health program: no tobacco, no pot, almost no alcohol, very little salt, sugar and fat, and enjoy the gaz coming out from cars which abounds in big cities.

[SONIC GAIL]

Originally Posted by ni'k

Wow, I can't believe I agree with him but he is actually right. Now you know I'm being serious because how often do I ever agree about anything he says? NEVAR.

And I would add a few points: (sorry for this being so long i've tried to edit it down)

He is right when he says don't worry about being "normal". If you start believing there is: "i'm not normal" "i'm sick" "i have all these problems" it becomes a self fufilling prophecy. There isn't actually anything wrong with YOU, all that has happened is that you have taken too many drugs. The solution is simply to be sober. It really isn't that complicated. All that emotional pain and anguish - you will be very surprised to find that it actually mostly goes away or becomes managable when you stop taking drugs. Not that life is perfect but it is a lot easier. A lot of that pain inside you is still there because you have been trying to blot it out with drugs. It's like those bad memories are still there but drugs makes them look less clear, like some abstract art painting instead of a still life painting. But get off drugs and you'll find you get rid of the whole goddamn painting and its frame will hang out of the garbage bin forgotten about. Things will seem a lot better and more managable. Eventually most of the crap that is causing you to feel bad and take drugs just dissolves away and it doesn't matter anymore.

Those addictions shows aren't reality. And deciding that you are sick and you want someone or something to sort out your problem for you isn't the way to go. You simply have to go SOBER and you yourself have to do it. Nobody can do it for you. I am not saying others can't help, but you can't rely on their help as a crutch to do what needs to be done on your behalf. How many different ways can I or an N.A. cousellor or anybody say "GAIL - GO SOBER."?

Now it will take time and there may be f ups along the road but that really is the only way to do it.

And seriously, STOP fucking about with legal highs. That shit is dangerous, there is often the most unbelievable dodgy crap sold in those places and it can really do some damage. No more of that.

I went to hospital over and over again, until after people telling me over and over and over again "STOP TAKING DRUGS AND DRINKING. GO SOBER" it finally, finally sunk in.

What happens is that say after 3-5 months of sobriety - ok you still feel a bit crap sometimes, but you'll defintely start to notice some changes. Then when you are getting up to 1 year you will DEFINITELY notice some changes and it will be a lot easier.

Statistically, the rate of relapse goes down massively after 2 years sober, and then after 5 years drops to almost zero. This doesn't apply to all drugs but to most I think.

What I recommend doing is writing down all the years of your life since you started taking drugs and how you felt during them and what drugs you were on. Remember the times that were good? Bet you were sober during them.

The human brain is not designed to ingest all those drugs. You've taken so many that your dopamineric circuits have been "rewired" so that your brain sends you signals to go take them so it can release the chemical dopamine, which is the pleasure chemical. Now the longer you stay sober the more that your brain returns to normal.

It is ALL in your brain, nobody can find any kind of peace when they are relying on putting these drugs into the machinery in their head that doesn't require them. Your brain has to fight to cope with all the chemicals and it gets exhausted and doesn't function smoothly. Simply giving it long periods of sobriety and some good food is enough to heal it.

Damn you for making me cry at work and being right all the time. thank you...yr right about the bad memories and the painting its one fucked up painting. I need ppl to tell me this. I am loosing grip with reality slowly over the years. I take your words to heart.

[!@#$%!]

Originally Posted by SONIC GAIL

I need ppl to tell me this.

That's supposedly what NA reliably does, in a supportive non-judgmental environment, at all hours of day & night that you need them, not just on random days.

Originally Posted by ni'k

him

ha ha ha, it was funny to see me italicized like that.

but good post.

[SONIC GAIL]

You r both great thanks again